M.P-C.+--+Holly+Schmidt

Hey there! To tell you the truth, I really do love to talk about myself, my experiences, and my thoughts/opinions. I love it when a class can be all about "Tell me what you think" kind of class and not all serious worksheets and quizzes. I think I was put in advanced English classes ever since middle school because my reading comprehension is so strong, but nobody ever told me that I needed to be a strong writer as well. That is why I am SUPER EXCITED to meet my Drake student mentor and work with her guidance to become a better writer and a well rounded English student. When I came to high school I think that's when my perspective of English, especially writing, became such a blur. Slowly, but surely, things have kind of straightened out and honestly, I think it was the AP's help. But if I want to succeed in AP "slowly, but surely" is not good enough and I know this. That's why I think that this extra personal boost, mentoring of course, will be a great benefactor for me in the long run. I would like to thank Mr. Johnson for explaining things to me even when I'm the last person to understand or one of the people who weren't paying attention. I would also like to thank Mrs. Lange for being able to co-teach this semester because hey, if I'm in an AP class and is getting taught by the person who pretty much is creating the class, I am one LUCKY student! I may not seem like it in class (with all the talking and stuff), but I really am looking forward to this semesters lessons and kicking that AP test's butt! ~Madeline Palmer-Chase Letter of Introduction (posted January 20) Hi Madeline! I am really excited to work with you too! I really love writing and I hope that we can work together to help both of us improve throughout the semester. And I hope this will help you on the AP test, too, of course! A little bit about me: I am a Writing major at Drake (shocking, right?) and I'll be graduating in May. I have NO idea what I want to do after I graduate, which is kind of scary since I only have one semester left! I'm thinking about going into school counselling, going to graduate school for something in the English/Writing area, or teaching high school English. I work in Drake's Writing Workshop and I've loved being able to tutor other students and work with them on their writing (so I already know we're going to have fun this semester!). It's nice to be able to work one-on-one with students and see how their writing improves. I also work at LearningRx as a "brain trainer." I get to work with students one-on-one there too, and I love seeing their reading and cognitive skills improve. Plus, it's fun! I get to work with a lot of really awesome people. I'm so excited to start working on projects with you and I can't wait to meet you and read some of your writing! Let me know if you have any questions... I'm glad your're so enthusiastic about working together! Holly I'm really not sure how to start this or how to finish it, but here it goes....
 * Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry ** (posted **RHS** January 27 -- **171** January 29)

In case I haven't told you, music is my LIFE! My dad was a music teacher for almost 30 years and my mom is well known soprano in the Des Moines area. I have grown up around music and theatre (especially vocal and musical theatre) all my life so the fine arts are something that I care about deeply. My first choir experience was when I was in the little kids choir at my church and performing for the first time in a high school musical (Dad was the director there at the time). Greatest memories of my life and if I hadn't had those experiences, I don't think I would care as much about music as I do now.

My elementary school didn't really put on musicals or have vocal concerts like some other elementary schools, but towards the end of elementary, I took up the instrument, cello. I followed that instrument into middle school where the pool of kids I met and knew changed rapidly. I met kids that were in orchestra or band or choir because either a) they had to or b) they were there to talk with their friend. This became frustrating at times, but I'd go home and practice that beautiful stringed instrument and it acted as a reminder why I love music. Once, not to long ago, we faced the massive budget cuts to the education system.

First thing to go was the fine arts departments.

This saddened me because kids were not getting to experience what I got to experience. From my own personal POV, fine arts can follow someone through their life, maybe even shape a kid and their future. People say that the fine arts department and the PE department aren't as important as say, math or english, but that is where I disagree. If the fine arts/sports weren't important would colleges offer degrees for numerous jobs that surround those two things? Some students even receive full ride scholarships for their involvement and success in the fine arts or sports. I wish there was a simple answer why the countries budget is harsh on the fine arts, besides "saving money" and "getting out of debt".

Music can define a person, can act as a healthy outlet for a person, and acts as a successful business in society. So why do we cut it from an education system as early as elementary schools? The children of today's society deserve better.

holly's comments:

In case I haven't told you, music is my LIFE! My dad was a music teacher for almost 30 years and my mom is well known soprano in the Des Moines area. I have grown up around music and theatre (especially vocal and musical theatre) all my life so the fine arts are something that I care about deeply. My first choir experience was when I was in the little kids choir at my church and ( my first time performing?) performing for the first time in a high school musical (Dad was the director there at the time). <-- I would try to reword this sentence.... I had to reread it a few times before I understood what you were trying to say. Greatest memories of my life and if I hadn't had those experiences, I don't think I would care as much about music as I do now. what were your greatest memories? your sentence here is incomplete because of the way you use "greatest memories of my life". based on the structure of your sentence, you need to have a sentence that could stand alone before the word "and." I think you just need to add a verb that gives "greatest memories" some sort of context in the sentence.

My elementary school didn't really put on musicals or have vocal concerts like some other elementary schools, but towards the end of elementary, I took up the instrument, cello. I think you're trying to do a lot with this sentence. It seems like you're trying to explain your entire elementary school experience in one sentence. You may consider breaking into two sentences. I followed that instrument into middle school where the pool of kids I met and knew changed rapidly. <--I like the way you phrased this! It provides an interesting transition from elementary school to middle school. I met kids that were in orchestra or band or choir because either a) they had to or b) they were there to talk with their friend. This became frustrating at times, but I'd go home and practice that beautiful stringed instrument and it acted as a reminder why I love music. Once, not to long ago, we faced the massive budget cuts to the education system. What is the transition from being frustrated by other kids lack of enthusiasm to budget cuts? Both are interesting points that I think are important to your topic, I'm just not seeing how one leads to the other. How can you bridge these two ideas?

First thing to go was the fine arts departments. I like the way you structured this--- this sharp statement definitely makes it stand out!

This saddened me because kids were not getting to experience what I got to experience. From my own personal POV, <--why did you choose to include this phrase at the beginning of your sentence? I think the rest of your sentence is a strong argument; do you have to contextualize that this is your point of view? fine arts can follow someone through their life, maybe even shape a kid and their future. People say that the fine arts department and the PE department aren't as important as say, math or english, but that is where I disagree. If the fine arts/sports weren't important would colleges offer degrees for numerous jobs that surround those two things?

Some students even receive full ride scholarships for their involvement and success in the fine arts or sports. I wish there was a simple answer why the countries budget is harsh on the fine arts, besides "saving money" and "getting out of debt".

Music can define a person, can act as a healthy outlet for a person, and acts as a successful business in society. this is an important argument--can you expand each of these points to help strengthen your overall argument that the arts are important? You're touching on some valid points and I think your paper could benefit from spending more time discussing each point like you did in the last paragraph. Also--why do you list music by itself? Do you want to highlight music alone? It seems like you focus on all of the fine arts previously in your paper. So why do we cut it from an education system as early as elementary schools? The children of today's society deserve better. Madeline: I think you have a strong, consistent voice throughout your writing. I can tell this is something you are truly passionate about, and you represent the topic in an interesting way. What I appreciate most about your writing is that you contextualize why the arts are important to you (and your family), and then generalize to discuss how the arts can have that influence on others. I would like to see you expand more at the end though... you are starting to approach some strong arguments as to why we should keep the arts in schools, but I think you have room to explain your argument more thoroughly. for example, how can music "define a person"? What do you mean by "healthy outlet"? You may even include examples of where music/the arts can be a successful business. Overall, I think you've done a good job arguing for the arts!

--Holly

Rough Draft **Definition** (posted **RHS** February 3 -- **171** February 5)

If one thing didn't happen in that certain moment, the possibilities for the rest of your life could be endless. A possibility is a moment where if something had or hadn't happened, an idea, event, or object may or may not have been created. In these two sentences, it sounds like you are defining possibility in the past, but the rest of your paper sounds like you are talking about current possibilities that can affect the future. Can you find a way to be more specific about how you are defining "possibility"? There seems to be a difference between your opening and the focus of your paper. Possibilities can be found everywhere in the world, but the hot spot for these chances are schools; elementary all the way to universities and beyond. The potentiality for a student is a great thing when figuring out what one will want to do with their life and enrich the lives of others, so why would we limit the possibilities in one's life by cutting down their education? You ask an important question here. If you are focusing on education and possibility both, you may want to make that connection clearer by making a sort of thesis statement that defines exactly what you mean with this link.

The main question, that gets a person to think of possibility is "What if?". What if schools didn't have the programs they have today? In the late 1800's, the government of America made the observation that with a developing country, we needed to develop jobs that would keep developing the country, but to accomplish that goal and to succeed at it, the future would need MORE education. can you bring in specific evidence to back up this statement? what specifically did the government do? In the past 3 years, our government has been hard at work making this country and the economy right again. In doing so, the recession and the shrinking budget have given education and its extra departments a beat down, with that the quality has plummeted. Some departments that have been axed severely are the Fine Arts and Physical Education. Some people don't believe that those programs can serve any good for the community when in fact it actually does. Can you explain more about why you believe this? Examples or more explanation/evidence may help back up your argument about the importance of a well-rounded education. So if we were to cut any other class, the possibilities for today's children are majorly hurt.

It is a shame that the Fine Arts have had a downfall and are now having to rebuild themselves, because having grown up around music all my life, I can tell you that music has been very beneficial for me as a growing child in today's society. As a high school student who is involved with music, I know for a fact, that to have those kinds of programs are important in school and can serve a great purpose for the students of that school and the people of that community. Not only does music show for entertainment, but it is an ART (hence the word in fine ARTs) and if a child was not allowed to make art than it is equivalent to not let a child study the stars because he/she is interested in astronomy. The Fine Arts (as well as sports) can be more than an extra-curricular activity, but as a sample/prep of jobs that the music business can offer; entertainment, advertising, managing, recording, technology, directing, teaching and performance are all things that this ONE subject can offer. I mean, come on, the only way I know that I'm going to get through college is with the help of scholarships and many, MANY colleges and universities offer BIG scholarships for the involvement and success of a student's involvement in a Fine Arts program. See? the possibilities are endless for a student at any level. In these last few sentences, your tone feels less formal than the rest of your essay. I would pay attention to that as you revise so you can stay consistent throughout. Also, I like that you give personal experience as part of your essay. I think it helps show you really do care about this topic. However, it seems like you are jumping back and forth between discussing just the fine arts and also generalizing to other extracurriculars (sports, PE). Is there a way you can use your specific experience and show how it fits into your broader focus about education being important for possibility? It is definitely a good point to include, but I think it may have led you into a very specific discussion about music/fine arts.

It concerns me that possibilities are first to go when a budget is cut and programs die. Sure, America is getting back on it's feet, and yes, new job possibilities are popping up, but it's the future that we count on to make the country strong once again.

What if the light bulb hadn't been invented? What if smoothies hadn't been invented? What if my parents hadn't met and gotten married? The possibilities are endless and unlimited! Shouldn't we have endless and unlimited possibilities for America's future? if we don't cut programs in schools such as Fine Arts and what not in schools. It sounds like your are trying to generalize to all different kinds of possibility in these last two paragraphs, but is there a way you can still keep your focus on education as possibility?

Madeline, I think you have a good start to a definition essay. I like that you chose a topic you are passionate about and that you use examples from history and your own life. For your revision, I would think about your focus. You seem to want to tackle a lot in this essay, but I find your writing strongest when you are focusing just on education as possibility. Also, I noticed in your assignment that you're asked to have a clear definition statement. As you think about your focus, I would try to keep a statement like this is mind (and in your paper) that will help the reader know exactly what you are trying to accomplish. I would also suggest reading your paper out loud; it helps to catch incorrect grammar or phrasing. I think you chose an important link between possibility and education and it's an argument you can definitely do a lot with!

--Holly

Revision **Definition** (posted **RHS** February 10 -- **171** February 12 ) What is possibility? According to my mother, possibility is something that COULD happen in the future and seeing possibility as an opportunity. Everywhere you look there is possibility. In the stock market, in a hospital, in a restaurant, or even on the street. Possibility can play a huge role in many people's lives, especially to a student. That's why a school can be the biggest spot for opportunities; from elementary schools all the way through colleges. As children of the future, the potential should be limitless and that comes from their education.

With the question in mind of "What if?" we think about the possibilities of the past and how it effected the future. I n the late 1800's, during the Industrial Revolution, the government made the observation that for a evolving world, the country would need evolving businesses. To accomplish something like that, you would need skilled workers for skilled jobs in the new industrial age, according to a high school history textbook. Philanthropist, and the 2nd richest man in America's history, Andrew Carnegie once said "Provide ladders upon which the aspiring can rise."

Those "ladders" were education. The number of public schools jumped from 800 1878 to 5,500 in 1898. In the present, according to LocalSchoolDirectory.com, there are 1,502 schools in Iowa.

In the past three years, the recession and shrinking budget have taken a toll on America's economy, especially the education department. Due to the elements of today's society, educational programs get cut and the quality of a school or community go dramatically down. An example of these programs are the Fine Arts programs. As a high school student who is heavily involved with those programs at my high school, I can tell you that the possibilities for that department are endless. If these activities are cut short then we limit and hurt our nation's future.

It is a shame that the Fine Arts have had a downfall and are now having to rebuild themselves. I have grown up around music all my life; my dad was a music teacher for almost 30 years and my mom is a professional singer, I can tell you that to have those kinds of programs are important in school and can serve a great purpose for the students of that school and the people of that community. Not only does music show for entertainment, but it is an ART and if a child was not allowed to make art than it is equivalent to not let a child study the stars because he/she is interested in astronomy. The Fine Arts can be more than an extra-curricular activity, but as a prep for jobs that the music business can offer; entertainment, advertising, managing, recording, technology, directing, teaching and performance are all things that this ONE subject can offer. good! your examples here help build a convincing argument.

I mean, come on, the only way I know that I'm going to get through college is with the help of scholarships and many, MANY colleges and universities offer BIG scholarships for the involvement and success of a student's involvement in a Fine Arts program. See? the possibilities are endless for a student at any level.

The dictionary.com definition for possibility is a future, prospect or potential or the state of possible. Possibility is about the future, but the possibility of the past can effect the future. So what if the light bulb wasn't invented? what if my parents hadn't met and gotten married? Everything would be different in the future and the possibilities would be endless. I think these questions are important and I can tell you're trying to get at something meaningful about the vast variety of possibilities, but it feels disconnected from the rest of the essay. Is there a way you can make them connected to education? \I like where you're going with these questions, but I think it might be helpful to keep the context of your essay.

Madeline-- I think you did a good revision! You cleared up a lot of connections to make your work stronger (such as explaining in more depth the history example you use) One thing I noticed in this revision is that you use several examples of what 'possibility' means in this revision. However, they are all related to someone or something else (like your mother or your use of dictionary.com). Something I'd like to see is what your specific definition is. It may be the case that your definition is one of these definitions, but keep in mind this paper is about what you think! You do a great job showing the importance of education and fine arts, but could you put it in terms of what your definition is? Something that might help is to keep in mind what, exactly, you want your readers to take away from this essay. This can help you create a strong thesis that puts it back in terms of what your definition is. Also, something to make sure you're aware of is your use of the word "you." It may be helpful to either put this solely in terms of "I" or in third person. Overall, I think this is a clearer, more connected draft. Good job! Please feel free to ask any questions you have!

Holly

Final **Definition** (posted **RHS** February 17 -- **171** February 19 )

What is possibility? For me, possibility is an idea that can effect the future and the past and holds a lot of power. According to my mother, possibility is something that COULD happen in the future and seeing possibility as an opportunity. Everywhere you look there is possibility. In the stock market, in a hospital, in a restaurant, or even on the street. Possibility can play a huge role in many people's lives, especially to a student. That's why a school can be the biggest spot for opportunities; from elementary schools all the way through colleges. As children of the future, the potential should be limitless and that comes from their education. Here, I'm getting the idea that you are starting more general and are using this as an introduction to become more specific to your focus on education.

With the question in mind of "What if?" we think about the possibilities of the past and how it effected the future. I n the late 1800's, during the Industrial Revolution, the government made the observation that for a evolving world, the country would need evolving businesses. To accomplish something like that, you would need skilled workers for skilled jobs in the new industrial age, according to an American history textbook. Philanthropist, and the 2nd richest man in America's history, Andrew Carnegie once said "Provide ladders upon which the aspiring can rise."

Those "ladders" were education. The number of public schools jumped from 800 1878 to 5,500 in 1898. In the present, according to LocalSchoolDirectory.com, there are 1,502 schools in Iowa. This kind of information shows how much the department of education has grown and developed since 1898. Without this kind of system our nation would be a stick in the mud, not evolving and accomplishing milestones like it has today.

I think the "ladders" quote is a good transition from your discussion of history to our current school system now.

In the past three years, the recession and shrinking budget have taken a toll on America's economy, especially the education department. Due to the elements of today's society, educational programs get cut and the quality of a school or community go dramatically down. An example of these programs are the Fine Arts programs. As a high school student who is heavily involved with those programs at my high school, I can tell you that the possibilities for that department are endless. If these activities are cut short then we limit and hurt our nation's future.

Is there a specific example of educational programs being cut that you have personally experienced? You discuss in general terms what is going on in this economy, but I feel like you might be thinking of something specific that happened? If not, more specific information about how much Fine Arts programs have been cut might be useful evidence to back up your argument.

The Fine Arts have had a downfall, which is a shame, but now are having to rebuild themselves. I have grown up around music all my life; my dad was a music teacher for almost 30 years and my mom is a professional singer, I can tell you that to have those kinds of programs are important in school and can serve a great purpose for the students of that school and the people of that community. Not only does music show for entertainment, but it is an ART and if a child was not allowed to make art than it is equivalent to not let a child study the stars because he/she is interested in astronomy. The Fine Arts can be more than an extra-curricular activity, but as a prep for jobs that the music business can offer; entertainment, advertising, managing, recording, technology, directing, teaching and performance are all things that this ONE subject can offer. I like your examples here... you show how Fine Arts can truly lead a student into a huge industry like music.

I know that I'm going to get through college is with the help of scholarships and many, MANY colleges and universities offer BIG scholarships for the involvement and success of a student's involvement in a Fine Arts program. See? the possibilities are endless for a student at any level. Is there a way you could make this last paragraph have a more formal tone? When you directly address the reader, I think it might take away from the tone you have held throughout your essay up to this point. Also, how do scholarships show the importance of Fine Arts programs? The evidence that you provide that there are a lot of scholarships that can help pay for college is a great point, but is it the only point you could make? are there other arguments about these scholarships that can help defend the Fine Arts even more?

I think you have good transitions throughout your essay, but here, I'm wondering if there is a way you can bridge your discussion of education back to the more general concept of possibility. The dictionary.com definition for possibility is a future, prospect or potential or the state of possible. Possibility is about the future, but the possibility of the past can effect the future. So what if Thomas Edison hadn't gotten the education to help him invent the light bulb? What if education wasn't what it is today? Everything would be different in the future and the possibilities would be endless. I'm confused about your question "what if education wasn't what it is today?" because earlier I got the idea that you think our education system is lacking right now and needs to be improved. Is there a different way you could phrase this?

Hi Madeline, I think you did a good job of doing the revisions we have been discussing. I think you are more focused specifically on education as possibility, which helps strengthen your argument. There are a couple places I think you could provide further evidence to convince me that the Fine Arts are that important (such as your discussion of scholarships as evidence the Fine Arts are extremely important). You've definitely added some great points throughout your draft and I think this is your most successful draft so far. But I think you can keep pushing yourself! I also think you did a good job transitioning between points and beginning with your definition of possibility. Please let me know if you have any questions!

Holly

Having a mentor to look over my material and help me organize my thoughts and details has been very beneficial to me as a writer. It has been more effective to have one on one time to go over my rough draft and then revisions of my paper. At first, putting my thoughts on paper was really hard because my train of thought would be lost if I would try and go at a different angle with my topic, but with somebody who is mostly focused on my paper and my topic made things easier to understand and fix. Plus, having revisions spaced out and talking about the paper in person, I feel that my final copy is going to be REALLY strong! I'm glad to have met you Holly and you have honestly helped me a lot already! THANK YOU!
 * Reflection #1 ** (posted **RHS** February 20 -- **171** February 22)

Madeline, I'm glad to hear that revisions have helped! I can tell you have worked hard and I hope you continue to!! Holly

Rough Draft **Comparison** (posted **RHS** February 24 -- **171** February 26 ) So sorry it's late! Had a really busy weekend with a show choir competition and other projects. Hope you didn't get into too much trouble.... According to sciforums.com, English and Math are the most important subjects taught in schools. In my own opinion, I believe that the music subject should be up there in the top 5, but actually it is no where on the list provided on that web page. I disagree with this information. Yes, English and can play important roles in today's society, especially if you live in a civilized nation, but music can play twice as an important role than ANY academic subject. If the public doesn't know, music involves everything. Whether that is the lyrics, with the poetry of any launguage, or the rhythms that include mathmatical equations. OR the technical side of science where a sound operator has to take into consideration the wavelengths of many instruments, even history can come into play with the hundreds of years of music and all the generations that have changed over the centuries. But English, is just English. In this paragraph, I think you do a good job of showing how music encompasses many different fields. Why is English "just English" though? You say it is important to learn and it feels like you simply mean fluency in speaking and writing. The rest of your essay focuses on the subject/major of English, which is something a bit different that what I understand you to mean here. To have the knowledge of any subject, one must get the suitable education. A teacher's purpose of that class, is to make the learning enjoyable and interesting to the students. As a high school student who is in AP English and practically in AP music classes, I have more fun and learn more and apply more from my AP music classes. I understand that the English teachers try to be creative and try to relate the material to their students, but the adolescence of today's world are not into the reading one to two chapters a day, writing five essays a week, and then getting those papers slashed to pieces with that red pen. You start this paragraph with your own opinion, but then generalize to all adolescents. Can you say that all adolescents find more to apply to their lives and have more fun learning about music than English? Can you say that all adolescents do not enjoy reading/writing for their English classes? From that education, a student applys to scholarships and colleges to enhance their knowledge and then to make a living when they get older. I am a junior in high school and I am starting to look at scholarships and colleges. I know that I am going to school to become a better musician and so I learn about all the Fine Arts scholarships and programs for further education. Taking an AP English class, I am also learning about those programs and scholarships. To tell the truth, there are not many scholarships for someone who is interested in an English major and what's the point of going into that field if scholarships are not present to help a student. Why do scholarships determine if a field is worth going into? If it happened that there were not very many scholarships for fine arts, would you give it up? Are there no other determining factors that would push a student into a certain field? Once somebody has graduated with master skills of a major, they venture outside the campus for a job that will be a suitable position for them. The "Music business" covers many jobs such as, marketing, entertaining/performance, engineering, composition and education. In the "English business", the jobs are limited such as publishing, education, and marketing English. Is this a fair comparison? With limited job opportunities, the possibilities for openings, creativeness, and growing of a business. (what were you trying to say with this sentence?) People in the "Music business" have connections, such as collegues, where the "English business" have shared intrests, such as books. Would someone with an English major in the publishing business (as you mention) say that they only share the interest of books with their coworkers or others in the publishing industry? Would they not call them colleagues? I feel myself resisting your argument in this paragraph. I think you may be trying to limit the "English business" too much. It's a fine argument to say that music classes/majors/industry can be just as (if not more) important than English classes/majors/industry, but I don’t think you are giving a true representation of what English can be. Music reaches all edges of the world easily by sharing rhythms, tunes, messages, instruments and acts as a common interest of all kinds of people, but English is a luxury for the priviliged. How so? Can the world of English be seen more than just the way words are spoken/written? With music, things can sung instead of being said, interpreted with instruments instead of verbs and adjectives and be understood with ease instead of reading contemporary or old as rock books that do not make a lick of sense. Nations have National Anthem songs instead of National Essays that give other people goosebumps and pride when listening to it which makes music more significant than English or Math, the most important classes according to some website and state wide curriculum. Yes, but part of national anthems are the language the lyrics are sung in. Since the music is intentionally paired with language, are these songs the same without the lyrics being sung together with the music? Is music in any way limited by language? Could language/lyrics aid the music? Madeline, I can tell you are truly passionate about music! I'm glad you are making an argument about how important music is and I think you bring up good points about it. For example, you show how music spans many different fields and can provide many different career opportunities. As you revise, I think you should look again at how you are representing English. You can definitely make the argument that music can be more important than English, but I think you should first define what you mean by "English." Your first and last paragraphs seem to be talking about English simply as a worldwide language and that it is important to know for communication and fluency reasons. During your comparison to math, however, I see you using English to mean the subject we take in US schools. I think it's perfectly fine to discuss both, it just might help not to use it interchangeably without making it clear which one you are talking about. Then, you can look further into what you mean by the "English business" because I think you may be missing some important things about it. You clearly have a great grasp on what the music industry entails and what opportunities it can provide, but in order to successfully prove that music is more important, you should have a good idea of English, too. I would keep pushing your argument further; I think you will get there if you keep pushing yourself! Please let me know if you have any questions! Holly Revision **Comparison** (posted **RHS** March 2 -- **171** March 4)

According to Sciforums.com, the academic class English, is the most important subject taught in the schools of America. The most common form of an English class is the Language arts, which is very important because one should learn how to speak the proper language of a civilized nation and can have a great impact on one's understanding of something's meaning, but I believe Music overall can have a greater impact on the world as a whole. If the public doesn't know, music involves everything. Whether that is the lyrics, with the poetry and emotion of any language, or the rhythms that include mathematical equations, or the technical side of science, where a sound engineer has to take into consideration the wavelengths of many instruments. Even history can come into play with the hundreds of years of music and all the generations that have changed the sound of music over time. The definition of Language arts on Dictionary.com is the study of grammar, composition, spelling and (sometimes) public speaking that is a main component of English. With music, there is no real definition of the art. Is there no definition of music? This paragraph is much clearer than your previous draft; I can tell what argument you are now trying to make. To have the knowledge of any subject, one must get the suitable education. The definition of Language arts on Dictionary.com is the study of grammar, composition, spelling and (sometimes) public speaking that is a main component of English. The art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion. That sounds way more interesting than Language Arts. Did you intend to repeat this? As a high school student in an AP Language Arts class and AP Music classes, I observe my fellow high school classmates who are in those classes and I can conclude that the adolescence can comprehend more, apply more and enjoy more in those AP music classes than the AP Language arts classes. WE students understand that the English teachers try to be creative and try to relate the material to their students, but the honestly, we are not fond of the reading one to two chapters a day, writing five essays a week, and then getting those papers slashed to pieces with the red pen. Now, I know that I cannot say that about all high school teenagers, but the ones that have both of those subjects (including me), I know that we enjoy music more. Those music classes appeal more to the high school teenagers because we are with people who share our interests (friends), express how WE interpret things through our instruments (voice, string, wind) and experience new things that will blow the minds of those who experience it (new pieces of music, breaking down music, and performing those pieces of music). why do you like music more? You show exactly why you don't like English, but what makes music different? It may help your argument to show what about your music classes is so appealing and helpful. From that education, a student applys to scholarships and colleges to enhance their knowledge and then to make a living when they get older. Scholarships are there to provide financial aid and basically act as an award for the students' hardwork, dedication and successes in that field. For some fields there are not many scholarships and I believe, personally, that one should go into a major really enjoying it or feels that it is practical for the future, even if there are not that many scholarships. Madeline, I think your argument has gotten much better in this draft. I can tell exactly where you are trying to go with your argument. I still think you should try to revise the other parts of your essay, even if you are stuck! If you keep working at it, I think you can get where you are trying to go. You are clearly passionate about music, and you can definitely pull from that passion to make your argument.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Holly

Final **Comparison** (posted **RHS** March 9 -- **171** March 11)

According to Sciforums.com, the academic class English, is the most important subject taught in the schools of America. The most common form of an English class is the Language arts, which is very important because one should learn how to speak the proper language of a civilized nation and can have a great impact on one's understanding of something's meaning, but I believe Music overall can have a greater impact on the world as a whole. If the public doesn't know, music involves everything. Whether that is the lyrics, with the poetry and emotion of any language, or the rhythms that include mathematical equations, or the technical side of science, where a sound engineer has to take into consideration the wavelengths of many instruments. Even history can come into play with the hundreds of years of music and all the generations that have changed the sound of music over time. The definition of Language arts on Dictionary.com is the study of grammar, composition, spelling and (sometimes) public speaking that is a main component of English. With music, there is no real definition of the art.

To have the knowledge of any subject, one must get the suitable education. The definition of Language arts on Dictionary.com is the study of grammar, composition, spelling and (sometimes) public speaking that is a main component of English. The art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion. That sounds way more interesting than Language Arts. As a high school student in an AP Language Arts class and AP Music classes, I observe my fellow high school classmates who are in those classes and I can conclude that the adolescence can comprehend more, apply more and enjoy more in those AP music classes than the AP Language arts classes. WE students understand that the English teachers try to be creative and try to relate the material to their students, but the honestly, we are not fond of the reading one to two chapters a day, writing five essays a week, and then getting those papers slashed to pieces with the red pen. Now, I know that I cannot say that about all high school teenagers, but the ones that have both of those subjects (including me), I know that we enjoy music more. Those music classes appeal more to the high school teenagers because we are with people who share our interests (friends), express how WE interpret things through our instruments (voice, string, wind) and experience new things that will blow the minds of those who experience it (new pieces of music, breaking down music, and performing those pieces of music).

From that education, a student applies to scholarships and colleges to enhance their knowledge and then to make a living when they get older. Scholarships are there to provide financial aid and basically act as an award for the students' hard work, dedication and successes in that field. For some fields there are not many scholarships and I believe, personally, that one should go into a major really enjoying it or feels that it is practical for the future, even if there are not that many scholarships.

This past assignment did not show my best work and my work ethic. My schedule got busy and I didn't put time or effort into the things that are people depended on, such as this comparison essay. I was totally being honest in my last reflection that you had helped me a lot with my writing and you still did, but I was not holding up my end of the bargain and that's not fair to you, my teachers, or my learning. So I promise to show my //best work// for this last assignment.
 * Reflection #2 (RHS ** March 16 -- **171** March 25)

Rough Draft **Argument** (posted **RHS** April 6 -- **171** April 8) I was in middle school when the economy of America started falling apart. As middle school came to an end, a rumor was going around stating that music programs were going to be cut back. When I went into high school, a rumor, about the cutting of music programs all together in middle schools and elementary schools, was circulating the community. I am a high school student who is has stayed heavily involved with the fine arts in my community. It is astonishing to see programs be cut, cut back, and now starting to rebuild themselves. I wish this never happened in the first place and it did not have to.

The demolition of music programs in schools was //not// the answer to solving irresponsible spending by the government. Some people would say that music programs in schools would be a waste of tax payers money.

There wasn't much explanation of how to really set this up, so I'm a little confused on how I want to lay things out for the essay. I hate how we don't have a field trip so I can work with you before I post my final draft. Hopefully you can help me organize my thoughts with what I've already posted.

Madeline-- what are you confused about with setting up an argument? If there is something specific I can help with, let me know. In general, I would try to figure out what you think is most important about music programs and why this is "not the answer" as you say. Why aren't music programs a waste of tax payers' money? Why would people argue that it //is// a waste of taxpayer money, and how would you respond to these claims? I would just keep trying to push these thoughts! --Holly

Revision ** Argument ** (posted ** RHS ** April 13 -- ** 171 ** April 15)

Final **Argument** (posted **RHS** April 20 -- **171** April 23) Core Curriculum vs. Fine Arts in Schools As a high school student who is heavily involved with my school's vocal programs, I can say that music education is an important curriculum for all students in all grades. Music plays a huge role in today's society and in our world. If  the public doesn't know, music involves everything. Whether that is the lyrics, with the poetry and emotion of any language, or the rhythms that include mathematical equations, or the technical side of science, where a sound engineer has to take into consideration the wavelengths of many instruments. Even history can come into play with the hundreds of years of music and all the generations that have changed the sound over time. In the recession of 2008, the Des Moines Public Schools and their music programs suffered severely. Passionate teachers were let go, budgets were slashed, and involvement decreased. Some say it was a smart way to recover from the recession and save money. I say that it was selfish way because some students were deprived of a fascinating education.  A study was done by Dr. Patricia Shehan Campbell at the University of Washington that was published in the fall 2007 issue of the Journal for Research in Music Education. Her studies concluded that “[students] who participate in music education...see music as their social glue, as a bridge for building acceptance and tolerance for people of different...circumstances, and associate playing music with music literacy, self-discipline, listening skills, motor ability, eye-hand coordination and heightened intellectual capabilities.” I completely agree with this statement because it is a fact. My musicianship skills personally have grown over the years of my involvement with music programs. To have these kinds of programs are important in a school and can serve a great purpose for the students of that school and the people of that community. Not only does music show for entertainment, but it is an //art.// If a child was not allowed to make art than it is equivalent to not let a child study the stars because the budget limited resources even though the student was interested in astronomy. The Fine Arts can be more than extra-curricular activity but as a prep for jobs that the music business can offer; entertainment, advertising, management, recording, technology, directing, composition, teaching and performance are all things hat this //one// subject can offer.  When in high school, a student should try to be involved in multiple activities. This involvement can create not only an outlet for creativity, but common ground with peers and an activity they enjoy while learning. In a letter from the board of the Music Education National Council to other members, it asks for support in responses to congress's proposal of cutting music education because of valid reasons. One being, “ As you already know, music provides students with the opportunity to express creativity and to develop skills that will benefit them throughout the rest of their lives. In addition to its inherent, cultural value, music teaches everything from coordination to self-discipline, and provides a variety of unique avenues for intellectual growth. Additionally, music education helps children practice teamwork, poise, and public composure. Truly, music is the ultimate vehicle for 21st Century Skills.” I have made so many friends and met so many talented and wonderful people through the years I've been involved with music.  Now, some may say that focusing on a core curriculum is more important than worrying about the quality of a school's music department. Every subject deserves the same amount of attention whether it is in the core curriculum or the fine arts. A student out there is interested in a subject on the off-beaten path, but will not get the proper support or education because the subject did not receive the equal amount of attention. Some even say that there's nothing one could do or have done to keep the quality of a school's music department. When my high school's music department's budget was getting cut, students, parents, and even faculty held a forthright, yet entertaining protest outside the executive Des Moines Public School System building downtown. There are things one can do to keep involved and come up with a solution for a inequality crisis. Talking to other parents that are in the same predicament or informing other parents of students in the same school about the situation creates awareness and a certain respect for the very different departments. Along with talking to parents, one could talk to teachers. Discussing ideas with the faculty, the administration and even other students can form a bond with the community and the school to create a supportive and proactive atmosphere. Finally, if all else fails, some people who aren't quite there with the whole understanding thing just have to be shown the significant work a student can do in the fine arts. One will never know the passion a student has for a subject until they are given a chance to show what they're worth.  In conclusion, with the removing or cutting down of a music department, let alone the fine arts departments, students' skills, opportunities, growth, and education are limited because of unequal attention and support to every subject. Reflection #3 (posted **RHS** April 23) Holly, Thank you for the guidance over this past semester with my writing. I feel that my organizing skills and how I want to word things in my essays have gotten stronger. I know I've kind of slacked off over the past couple of assignments, but I've really appreciated the one on one attention with the earlier assignments. Hope the rest of the school year goes well for you, it was great working with you!