S.M.+--+James+VanEchaute

Letter of Introduction (posted January 20) Hello Stone, My name is James VanEchaute (Van-ECK-out) and I am a senior at Drake University studying English, History and Magazine Journalism. Needless to say, about all I do in school is read and write, which is absolutely fine by me. I have always been a passionate writer and used to crank out multiple short stories a week when I was in grade school. My best work tends to come from topics or subject matter that I am actively interested in and one of my biggest challenges as a writer was to learn how to still produce well written, polished pieces that weren't necessarily on topics of interest to me. I keep my writing fresh and interesting by constantly researching new ideas and just keeping my eyes open. Write what speaks to you and it's almost guaranteed to be a good read. As far as stylistic flair is concerned do not let that go. While it may not fit in more strictly academic writing, a stylistic flair is what most pieces of boring writing are missing.

Outside of my constant daily dosage of reading and writing I have a quite eclectic repertoire of interests. I have always had a great interest in Eastern Asian history, particularly China and Japan and have actually started learning Japanese. It is tough but super interesting. I am a very competitive athlete and after years of playing the mainstream sports have found my real niche in Ultimate Frisbee and Racquetball. Music has always been a nice creative outlet for me as well and I am self-taught on the bass guitar and piano but never learned actual musical theory and play entirely by ear. I love the theater and have appeared in several of the main stage productions both here at Drake and at my high school in the Quad Cities. My favorite was playing Captain Hammer in Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog (which if you haven't seen yet, please, please do). Last year, I decided to indulge a whim I've carried with me since I was young and enrolled in a martial arts school and it has been fully awesome.

I am looking forward to working with you over the course of this semester. I hope that this exchange will allow us both a deeper insight into who we are as writers and what we value most highly in terms of style, content and method. This will be fun!

Best, James

James, My name is Stone Mills. I'm a Junior in Mr. Johnson and Ms. Lange's AP course. Reading and writing have always been among my favorite things in life! I write constantly in notebooks and sometimes on napkins (when there is no notebook around). I'll write anything that comes to my mind, be it short stories, thoughts or opinions, or even just simple ideas. That's the great thing about jotting things down. If you write something that sounds brilliant to you one day and sounds really stupid to you when you look back on it the next day, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you still have that idea on paper, so then you know what sounds good to you and what doesn't. A learning experience, if you will. I also write my own songs and play in a band called the Seed of Something, which is my favorite thing in the world. We've been playing shows for almost two years and put our first album out in September. I want to make being in bands and touring a full time ordeal, but I realize that it's pretty hard for a band to be able to live comfortably and still play music as a job. It seems you either end up famous or homeless! But I'm also very interested in film and would like to attend a film school or program in college. I love listening to music (Pavement is my favorite band), watching movies (There Will Be Blood is a masterpiece), hanging out with the best of friends, and being free outside (during the warm months, of course). I also like tennis and I am a Boston Celtics fan!

As a writer, I would like to learn how to better stay on topic and really state what I want to say. Often, when I am writing an academic, opinion, or analysis paper, my brain starts to grow numb halfway through. My thoughts start going off in a million different directions and interesting ideas that I want to include never materialize on paper. How do you keep your writing fresh and interesting? Also, I have been criticized on some papers for having too much "stylistic flair". How is this particularly a bad thing, and how do I tone down the "flair" without losing zest in my writing?

Anyway, I am very much looking forward to hearing your response and learning more about you. I'm glad that we are both benefiting from this exchange of ideas, writer to writer.

Sincerely, Stone


 * Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry **(posted** RHS ** January 27 -- **171 ** January 27)

Everybody gets sick. That's just one of the unwanted prices that you pay for being human. It is a taxing fee in which all are involved and none are excused of relieved of for any reason. It seems a punishment that we all have coming at some point. Just two nights ago, I was waking up abruptly from my slumber with a terrible stomach ache. Soon after, A warning sign came in the form of a salty, metallic taste in my mouth, so I rushed to the bathroom to lesson the blow of the impending assault on my being. I ended up vomiting four times in one sitting, my body disoriented and unbalanced from all the energy expelled. By the time it was over, I barely felt like moving. My head felt an incredible pounding tension and my skin felt not warm nor cool. It felt clammy and elastic and looked deathly pale. **Interesting usage of dualities.**  To my dismay, this was just the calm before the storm. I ended up having to repeat the cycle three more times throughout the night. I've heard that there is a virus going around. I guess I just caught the bug. ** Good description throughout this paragraph. **

Currently, I'm on the mend from this inhumane cruelty, though it hasn't come without it's consequences. When I return to school on Monday, hopefully in good health, I'll have an endless, smothering dog pile of homework to make up. I haven't thrown up since Wednesday, but even the sight of food is making me nauseous. I've spent moments of my life wasting away on my couch or in my bed for the past few days awaiting the exhaustion of this misery to go away. As of now, it's either I sleep or stare at the ceiling for entertainment. I find sickness of this nature absurdly funny in certain ways. You start your day __naive and unassuming __**Because we don't know what we're in for?** , but pretty soon, your day slowly goes down the drain. **Because we start to feel worse and worse?**  Then, your night ends with the grand finale of your tormentor manifesting itself in some gruesome and disgusting way. Quite literally a sick joke. ** How is sickness the major player here? How does this differ from a simple bad day? **

Between sleeping and staring, I do have time to think about and evaluate my nasty dilemma. Eventually, my thoughts turn to to death and mortality. ** What triggers this thought progression? ** During my many trips to the bathroom, I didn't actually think I was dying, but I felt like I was. **When we're sick do our minds make it worse than it actually is?**  All the physical and psychological effects that my fever rained down upon me seemed to mirror the way most people who die naturally or from fatal sickness experience before they pass. At least, that's how I've heard it described before. **Do you know people who have had near death experiences?**  People do actually die in that state, and I can't even imagine how anyone could feel any worse than how I felt two nights ago, let alone die feeling that way. Millions of people die in third world countries ** What about here in the US? ** of viruses and fevers that form boils and rashes and a wide assortment of other degradation's that plague their bodies. I find it fascinating and utterly terrifying at the same time. It reminds me that the pain that I feel would be considered minute compared with those who have suffered far more horrendously. Do I really have room to complain? ** Does sickness teach us about ourselves or put things in perspective? **

Stone, You described your experience very well and this is a very readable text. You are very good at showing how you felt, but I wanted to get inside your head more. You engage interesting thoughts about sickness in relation to greater suffering, but it appears late in the essay and goes unexplored to some extent. Does being sick change how you view the world? Other countries? How does it derail your day? Was this the sickest you've ever been? Did something specific trigger your thoughts about mortality? Can we only understand one another or take the time to put ourselves in others shoes' when we suffer? What does this say about human nature? Do we find purpose out of illness? Is it meaningless suffering or growth? The old cliché of "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" would have had an amusing fit here. You did well showing us how you felt and no want to know what you're thinking! I liked the parts throughout the text where you adopted a more conversational tone and these were the parts that I really got a feel for your personality. You have a gift for description and with a little focusing and rearrangement you've got a killer essay (no pun intended).

Good job! James

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Rough Draft **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Definition **(posted **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">RHS ** February 3 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** February 5) <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">Health is a sliding scale which teeters back and forth continually for every living thing. One day, you are healthy and vibrant with an insatiable lust for life. The next, You are dosing in an out of conciousness on your death bed with some horrid ailment upon you. Just one week ago, I was spending a typically nondescript Wednesday night and Thursday morning hunched over a toilet seat, vomiting so hard that I felt I could pass out from fatigue. All I could do was sit upright against the bathroom wall and wait for another onslaught of spew to put me back on my knees and over the toilet once more. It was then that I got to thinking about how we are truly slaves to our own being and how our state of health can be an awakening to the frailty of life, regardless of your definition of it.

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">I found it interesting that, just a few hours before my sickness really hit it's stride, I was going about my daily routine with the normal nonchalance that anyone does. Besides waking up that morning with a light stomach ache, I was tending to my day with not a single other uneasiness or distress. It was only after I got home that night that my condition worsened. Their was simply nothing I could do about it. Other than sleep and a little medication, I was at the total mercy of this bug. When you feel your best, then you are capable of doing your best. But when you feel awful, all you can be is awful and of no use. ** Are there no alternatives? **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;"> All you can do is weight it out. The so called "pariahs" of countries such as Ethiopia are dubbed so because their constant bad health will not allow them to do anything a productive and able bodied member of society can do. They are forever cursed with being controlled by their sickness and will never know what it is like to be a healthy and contributing citizen. It is sad, but it is the reality of their lives. ** What if these people had access to modern medicine and treatment facilities? **

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">Being lucky enough to enjoy the benefits of being born in America **Are the benefits that these viruses simply don't exist in our country or that some citizens have the means to get quality treatment?** <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">, I realized rather quickly that I was not dying of some freakish third-world disease, but experiencing a somewhat nasty virus that many people here catch as often as the common cold. But that didn't stop me from feeling a macabre sense of dread to a minute degree. Indeed, the violent heaving of my body into the toilet and the ghostly paleness of my skin conjured prophetic images of doom in my head. These mental pictures put my perspective on things back to reality. I've always considered myself a fairly grounded person, but everyone needs a wake up call sometimes, right? This terrible ordeal that I was facing made me remember that, someday, be it tomorrow or sixty years from now, I might feel this way again. Only then, I might be on the downward spiral for good, never to return to my youthful existence. Death might be upon me just waiting to get me in a stranglehold at any moment, so why not do what I want to do now before I can never recover from sickness again?

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">Though some of us decide to take risks with are health in spite of what popular belief or opinion tells us not to. I use the example of the generations before the Baby Boomers who smoked cigarettes like a religion. During the 1940's, cigarettes were marketed and sold as the ultimate signature of coolness and personality. If you were one of those people who smoked, which included just about everyone, your life was complete. It not only defined who you were, but made you who you were. If you were a man who smoked, you were Humphrey Bogart or James Dean and the like. Cigarettes were the definition of health, until chain smokers started dying off from lung cancer and other diseases associated with cigarettes. Though some are not quite so disillusioned by this outcome **How does the power of addiction get factored into this? Does the mind own the body?** <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">. My grandmother, for instance, has smoked since her teens. In her late fifties, she developed breast cancer and had to go through painful kemotherapy treatments. Now in her seventies, she continues to smoke everyday. She decided that keeping up the habit was worth it (Her continual smoking even after her stint with breast cancer has made me question some of the harmful facts of cigarettes that science has "proven", though I do not condone chain smoking in any way. Her father died from lung cancer at age fifty-nine.) Even some of today's youngsters have taken up smoking as practice (Even I have been occasionally coursed by it, rather pitifully trying to feed that James Dean complex of mine, as most teenage boys are prone to do), though all the warnings against it have been thoroughly heard. Health can be defined in any way you please, even if it might make Richard Simmons cringe ** I am intrigued that the last sentence complicates your initial definition. Can health be defined at all? **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">.

Stone, You touch on several very interesting topics throughout this piece, such as the relationship between mind and body and the so-called benefits of being born in America. It is very clear that you were touched in some profound manner by your illness, but I would like to see more of the paradigm shift or engagement with these larger ideas. I had questions such as "What about people living paycheck to paycheck who can't afford sick days?" What really are the benefits of being of a US citizen? Would the third-world countries be what they are if they had access to modern medicine? How does our definition of health control our lives? Did your illness want to motivate you to prioritize certain things in your life? How can we help others who are sick? What is important to remember while being sick? How does our mind affect the outcome?

I am also interested to see where your train of thought was going in the last paragraph. You bring in vice and addiction to your definition of health which was before defined by viruses and things outside human control. Are these harmful habits lessened by our American privilege? If health is an umbrella topic, what all does it cover? You have a million directions you can go with this paper, I would suggest perhaps tightening your focus to a specific facet of health or really giving us a solid definition of what YOU think health is.

Once again, you have displayed excellent thought process and provocative imagery. I see a lot of work going on in this essay. Great job!

James <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Revision **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Definition **(posted**<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';"> RHS ** February 10 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** February 12 ) <span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; text-align: center;">**Definition Essay**

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">Health is a sliding scale which teeters back and forth continually for every living thing. One day, you are healthy and vibrant with an insatiable lust for life. The next, You are dosing in an out of consciousness on your death bed with some horrid ailment upon you. It is split up into two categories: good health and bad. Just one week ago, I was spending a typically nondescript Wednesday night and Thursday morning hunched over a toilet seat, vomiting so hard that I felt I could pass out from fatigue. All I could do was sit upright against the bathroom wall and wait for another onslaught of spew to put me back on my knees and over the toilet once more. It was then that I got to thinking about how we are truly slaves to our own being and how our state of health has a great impact on us as a person. **You have tied your intro together much better in this draft. Well done!**

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">I found it interesting that, just a few hours before my sickness really hit it's stride, I was going about my daily routine with the normal nonchalance that anyone does. Besides waking up that morning with a light stomach ache, I was tending to my day with not a single other uneasiness or distress. It was only after I got home that night that my condition worsened. Their was simply nothing I could do about it. Other than sleep and a little medication, I was at the total mercy of this bug. Health can be defined as the well being of a person in mind and body. Just a day before my sickness, I was in tip top shape, but as soon as the gale of fever made it's impact, the foundations of my good health were shaken and tossed about with a careless and almost adolescent cruelty. I was now in bad health. The teeter totter was not slanted in favor of my well being.

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">Being lucky enough not to have been born sickly or fragile, I realized rather quickly that I was not dying of some freakish third-world disease, but experiencing a somewhat nasty virus that many people here catch as often as the common cold. But some people are not as lucky. My aunt, for example, was born a diabetic. As a child, her ailment was managed poorly and she struggled all her life with trying to balance her diabetes while also trying to sustain some normality. A lot of the time, she made “bad” choices, mostly by disobeying her strict diet and blood sugar requirements, just so she could be able to experience all the little joys of life that most healthy people might take for granted. **Do you agree these were "bad" choices? Who defines them as bad?** Two years ago, at the age of forty-six, she died of kidney failure. Before she died, diabetes had claimed both her legs through amputation. My aunt was never blessed with good health like a majority of us are, but she spat in the face of her disease and decided to make a go at not being tied down by it anyway. What she lacked in good health, she made up for in independence and spirit. In a way, her sickness made her who she was. **How is your aunt's experience with a hereditary condition similar or different from your own experience?**

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">Though some of us decide to take risks with are health in spite of what popular belief or opinion tells us not to. I use the example of the generations before the Baby Boomers who smoked cigarettes like a religion. During the 1940's, cigarettes were marketed and sold as the ultimate signature of coolness and personality **How are they marketed today?**. If you were one of those people who smoked, which included just about everyone, your life was complete. It not only defined who you were, but made you who you were. If you were a man who smoked, you were Humphrey Bogart or James Dean and the like. Cigarettes were the definition of health, until chain smokers started dying off from lung cancer and other diseases associated with cigarettes. Though some are not quite so disillusioned by this outcome. My grandmother, for instance, has smoked since her teens. In her late fifties, she developed breast cancer and had to go through painful chemotherapy treatments. Now in her seventies, she continues to smoke everyday. She decided that keeping up the habit was worth it (Her continual smoking even after her stint with breast cancer has made me question some of the harmful facts of cigarettes that science has "proven", though I do not condone chain smoking in any way. Her father died from lung cancer at age fifty-nine.) Even some of today's youngsters have taken up smoking as practice (Even I have been occasionally coursed by it, rather pitifully trying to feed that James Dean complex of mine.) **Is social pressure still a major factor? How are things today different from back when smoking didn't have the medical stigma?** Though we have heard everything that has had to be said about cigarettes, we still risk our good health for the sake of habit. **Is habit the same as addiction?** I suppose that chain smokers such as my grandmother who have gone through the trials and tribulations of the consequences of smoking have also “spat in the face” of their illness and will not lose part of their identity and fiber to it **Do modern smokers still fundamentally identify as "smokers?"**. Quite the cycle, if you ask me.

Stone, You have done a much better job of narrowing your focus and engaging more closely with some of the main principles of your topic. I'm beginning to see a much more logical flow in the text. The personal anecdotes really drive your thought process home and help the reader see where you're drawing your opinions from. It is also interesting that you've engaged several different facets of health: illness, hereditary conditions and health habits/addictions. How do these all tie together? How did your revelation during your illness get you thinking along these lines? How does modern science play into this? You talk about "bad" choices and medical "proof." Is there some skepticism over modern medicine? Can it be both a blessing and a curse to live in society so health conscious? Do we sacrifice our health sometimes for the sake of feeling normal? In the long run is that worth it? You also mention in your very last sentence the notion that health is cyclical. Does this complement your initial teeter-totter theory or complicate it further?

Content-wise this is looking pretty solid and there are only a handful of grammar and spelling issues that need some fixing, but nothing that wholly distracts the reading. Stylistically you have a very unique way of writing. If you wrote more simply, what do you feel would be lost?

Once again, great job in tackling this very complex topic. James <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Final **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Definition **(posted**<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';"> RHS ** February 17 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** February 19 ) <span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; text-align: center;">**Definition Essay**

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">Health is a sliding scale which teeters back and forth continually for every living thing. One day, you are healthy and vibrant with an insatiable lust for life. The next, You are dosing in an out of consciousness on your death bed with some horrid ailment upon you. It is split up into two categories: good health and bad. Just one week ago, I was spending a typically nondescript Wednesday night and Thursday morning hunched over a toilet seat, vomiting so hard that I felt I could pass out from fatigue. All I could do was sit upright against the bathroom wall and wait for another onslaught of spew to put me back on my knees and over the toilet once more. It was then that I got to thinking about how we are truly slaves to our own being and how our state of health has a great impact on us as a person. **Was it the extremity of the illness that got you thinking? How and/or why?**

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">I found it interesting that, just a few hours before my sickness really hit it's stride, I was going about my daily routine with the normal nonchalance that anyone does. Besides waking up that morning with a light stomach ache, I was tending to my day with not a single other uneasiness or distress. It was only after I got home that night that my condition worsened. **Was it interesting because of the sudden change? How and/or why?** Their was simply nothing I could do about it. Other than sleep and a little medication, I was at the total mercy of this bug. Health can be defined as the well being of a person in mind and body. Just a day before my sickness, I was in tip top shape, but as soon as the gale of fever made it's impact, the foundations of my good health were shaken and tossed about with a careless and almost adolescent cruelty. I was now in bad health. **In both mind and body? Does have on or the other make it worse? How?** The teeter totter was not slanted in favor of my well being.

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">Being lucky enough not to have been born sickly or fragile, I realized rather quickly that I was not dying of some freakish third-world disease, but experiencing a somewhat nasty virus that many people here catch as often as the common cold. But some people are not as lucky. My aunt, for example, was born a diabetic. As a child, her ailment was managed poorly and she struggled all her life with trying to balance her diabetes while also trying to sustain some normality. A lot of the time, she made “bad” choices, mostly by disobeying her strict diet and blood sugar requirements, just so she could be able to experience all the little joys of life that most healthy people might take for granted. Doctors told her "no", but she did not listen **Do you think this was a good decision?**. Two years ago, at the age of forty-six, she died of kidney failure. Before she died, diabetes had claimed both her legs through amputation **Did you include this to showcase the suffering she had to overcome?**. My aunt was never blessed with good health like a majority of us are, but she spat in the face of her disease and decided to make a go at not being tied down by it anyway. What she lacked in good health, she made up for in independence and spirit. In a way, her sickness made her who she was. I believe that, even if you are not deathly ill, sickness and poor health makes you a stronger person in mind and will power, even if your physical body is getting worse. **Does this mean mental health trumps physical health? Why?**

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">Though some of us decide to take risks with are health in spite of what popular belief or opinion tells us not to. I use the example of the generations before the Baby Boomers who smoked cigarettes like a religion. During the 1940's, cigarettes were marketed and sold as the ultimate signature of coolness and personality (And to some, they still are. **They are still cool or marketed as such?** ). If you were one of those people who smoked, which included just about everyone, your life was complete. It not only defined who you were, but made you who you were. If you were a man who smoked, you were Humphrey Bogart or James Dean and the like. Cigarettes were the definition of health, until chain smokers started dying off from lung cancer and other diseases associated with cigarettes. Though some are not quite so disillusioned by this outcome. My grandmother, for instance, has smoked since her teens. In her late fifties, she developed breast cancer and had to go through painful chemotherapy treatments. Now in her seventies, she continues to smoke everyday. She decided that keeping up the habit was worth it (Her continual smoking even after her stint with breast cancer has made me question some of the harmful facts of cigarettes that science has "proven", though I do not condone chain smoking in any way. Her father died from lung cancer at age fifty-nine **Was he a chain smoker?**.) Even some of today's youngsters have taken up smoking as practice (Even I have been occasionally coursed by it, rather pitifully trying to feed that James Dean complex of mine **Is this a result of the aforementioned marketing, media or social pressure?** .) Though we have heard everything that has had to be said about cigarettes, we still risk our good health for the sake of habit. I suppose that chain smokers such as my grandmother who have gone through the trials and tribulations of the consequences of smoking **Did she actually have any negative consequences? Is smoking itself the trial? Why?** have also “spat in the face” of their illness and will not lose part of their identity and fiber to it. We are born, we develop into who we become, our health goes from better to worse and better again throughout our lives, we die, repeat **Reincarnation?**. Quite the cycle, if you ask me.

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">Stone, <span style="display: block; font-family: 'times new roman',serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;">This was a very complex topic to tackle and you pointed out and began to engage some very interesting facets of health most don't consider. The personal anecdotes are what make this text more accessible to others, and with some further expansion it could be very powerful. You engage some interesting paradoxes (such as resisting medical advice, indulging in vice despite being sick and wrestling with social pressure despite knowing it's alleged consequences) and I would have liked to see you probe further into those. Your initial thesis doesn't seem to match your final conclusion, but I think that it speaks to relative unpredictability of health, so in a way it fits. The problem of choice also seems to be an interesting feature of this text. What happens when choice is taken away from us by catching an illness or living with an uncontrollable condition? Overall it's a very solid piece of work. Well done.

James <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">The editing process has been a very rewarding experience thus far. I really appreciate and enjoy the feedback I am getting. I specifically like the comments that refer to my style and way of writing, such as that my writing is conversational in tone and flow. It gives me a better idea of who I am as a writer and points out things about myself that I may not notice. I am still wanting the wrap up's and conclusions in my papers to become stronger, for I was a touch dissatisfied with the way I concluded my definition paper. Other than that, what do you believe are some negatives about my writing? I would like to improve on what flaws I may have.
 * <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Reflection #1 **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">(posted**<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';"> RHS ** February 20 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** February 22)

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Rough Draft **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Comparison **(posted**<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';"> RHS ** February 24 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** February 26 )

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">The line between good health and bad health is often a battleground **(I like the imagery here).** Everyday, your body is defending itself from viruses, germs, bacteria, and other agents of harm in an effort to keep you healthy. When bad health wins out (A cold, for example), Your immune system is constantly looking for opportunities and methods to retain control. Once it finds one, it attacks with ferocious retaliation. It kills the sickness and is forever familiar with it from then on. If the same sickness returns for more action, the immune system will have concocted a repellent and wipe it out before it can spread. But before long, a new sickness may come along that is entirely foreign to your body, claiming it for it's own. The cycle repeats itself once again. Both are opposing factions in a lifelong war. (**Good start, I like that you're pursuing the cyclical side of health).**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">A healthy lifestyle consists mainly of a good diet and exercise **(Do you consider these to be the most important factors? Why?).** For when you pick the wholesome, magnificent fruit from the majestic and wise tree that gave birth to it, and take a bite from the unmistakable goodness that you behold and ingest it into your being, you have done well to yourself. The working of your muscles and strength is then made possible by the nutrients from the fruit, which provides energy in which you can utilize to push yourself to the physical and mental limit and beyond. Human beings are meant to be strong and able bodied **( Your definition so far is very focused on physical strength and ability. What about people with disabilities or injuries? Where would they fit?)**. It not only makes us healthier, but makes us more acceptable (**More physically appealing or easier to work with/get along with? What does it mean to be unacceptable? Where do they fit?)** to our peers and society as a whole. When you are capable, (**Physically capable or mentally capable?)** then you are content with yourself and take pride in the fact that you are in a good state of life.

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">Bad health, on the other hand, is brought on by a poor, rubbish diet and near to total disregard for movement of the body entirely **(Are these the only factors? Are people with limited mobility automatically "unhealthy?").** This has recently been a controversial issue in America today. Obesity has gotten a lot of attention from Americans in the last ten years or more (**Is there any actual data on this?)** because it has become an epidemic of sorts, especially among adolescents. Instead of choosing the right foods, such as the magnificent fruit or vegetable, some with obesity decide to to plan their diet according to Willy Wonka's food pyramid **(You focus on candy and sugar, are these the most tempting traps for bad eating?).** I for one cannot imagine eating nothing but sugar and junk day and night without the slightest bit of curiosity about what I am actually doing to my body. The same goes for exercise. I would lying if I said that I am the supreme definition of fitness, for I am rather not. But do I stop to consider and check in with myself about the choices I am making? Yes, of course. (**Is asking somewhat rhetorical questions the most effective way to make your point here?)**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">Mental health is an integral part of oneself. When the mind is sound and reasoning, then the ability of making wise choices for yourself is typically built in. Sure, human emotion and negative experiences in your life can knock your psyche can knock you out of wack from time to time, as it happens to all of us. But a strong and healthy mind means that you are equipped to deal with all the troubles and hardships that may come your way.

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">Mental instability leads to all sorts of further problems and trauma. Your reasoning and commons sense run intensely askew, therefore giving you terrible foresight and judgement. You are capable of being totally antisocial and depressed or a hothead who explodes when confronted by the tiniest little annoyance or inconvenience **(This is a rather general statement, is there something more specific related to physical health?).** Some with unsound minds are put in institutions because society (**Who specifically?)** is afraid to deal with people who cannot properly function on their own. They are given doctors and drugs and straight jackets so that their insane mind can be restrained and out of the public eye. (**Are drugs and straight jackets really all that goes on in psych wards? What makes these people "insane?")**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">**Stone,** <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">**I am very interested to see where you take this draft and so far you have engaged several interesting pieces of what makes a healthy person. Organizationally, I'm not sure where your section on mental health fits. Is it part of your comparison of good and bad health? Also, in your examples you give rather general answers that don't go much deeper than identify what is "usual." Is the key to health really just fruit and weight lifting? How do people with special challenges or disabilities fit in? If you're going to include mental health, to what extent is it a factor in health and not just behavior? More specific examples or anecdotes would really help tie your arguments together. Overall it's a solid draft. Good job!**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">**James**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Revision **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Comparison **(posted **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">RHS ** March 2 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** March 4)

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">The line between good health and bad health is often a battleground **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">. **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;"> Everyday, your body is defending itself from viruses, germs, bacteria, and other agents of harm in an effort to keep you healthy. When bad health wins out (A cold, for example), Your immune system is constantly looking for opportunities and methods to retain control. Once it finds one, it attacks with ferocious retaliation. It kills the sickness and is forever familiar with it from then on. If the same sickness returns for more action, the immune system will have concocted a repellent and wipe it out before it can spread. But before long, a new sickness may come along that is entirely foreign to your body, claiming it for it's own. The cycle repeats itself once again. Both are opposing factions in a lifelong war. (**I like the description here, but how does it fit as an introduction or thesis? Since the rest of your paper focuses on diet and excercise more than disease, you may want to make a stronger argument to let the reader know what you're trying to do with the paper)**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">The two most integral parts of a healthy lifestyle consists mainly of a good diet and exercise. Typically, when you are up to par at least partially with these requirements, the health of your mind will soar to it's fullest (**Are there any exceptions to this? What are they?)**. Exercise is often a relaxer and a stress reliever for the brain **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">. W **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">hen you pick the wholesome, magnificent fruit from the majestic and wise tree that gave birth to it, and take a bite from the unmistakable goodness that you behold and ingest it into your being, you have done well to yourself. The working of your muscles and strength is then made possible by the nutrients from the fruit, which provides energy in which you can utilize to push yourself to the physical and mental limit and beyond. Human beings are meant to be strong and able bodied**,** and it is a tragedy when those with disabilities and awful ailments are incapable of working their body like a normal person is able to. Their lack of body movement on top of their given sickness reduces their quality of life and how long they may live. (**Do you have an specifics in mind? What about special Olympics athletes who are in incredible shape despite their disability?)**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">Bad health, on the other hand, is brought on by a poor, rubbish diet and near to total disregard for movement of the body entirely. This has recently been a controversial issue in America today. Obesity has gotten a lot of attention from Americans in the last ten years or more because it has become an epidemic of sorts, especially among adolescents. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, childhood obesity has tripled in the last 30 years (**Good statistic to back up your argument)**. Instead of choosing the right foods, such as the magnificent fruit or vegetable, some with obesity decide to plan their diet according to Willy Wonka's food pyramid. Sweets and sugars are the most consistently desirable munchies for children. That, coupled with no exercise, is a potentially lethal concoction (**Immediately lethal or just generally unhealthy? Does it set them up for future problems?)** for anyone, let alone children who are in the middle of development. I for one cannot imagine eating nothing but sugar and junk day and night without the slightest bit of curiosity about what I am actually doing to my body.

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">Mental health is an integral part of oneself. When the mind is sound and reasoning, then the ability of making wise choices for yourself is typically built in. Sure, human emotion and negative experiences in your life can knock your psyche can knock you out of wack from time to time, as it happens to all of us. But a strong and healthy mind means that you are equipped to deal with all the troubles and hardships that may come your way. (**Do you have an examples to help strengthen this section? Have you ever found it easier to deal with problems when you had a strong mindset? What exactly does it mean to have a strong and healthy mind?)**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">Mental instability leads to all sorts of further problems and trauma. Your reasoning and commons sense run intensely askew, therefore giving you terrible foresight and judgement. Those with mental problems often have chemical imbalances that hinder and change the chemistry of their body, as found in victims of manic depression, for example. Mental health deficiencies like this are regularly accompanied and manifest themselves physically through physical suffering such as anorexia and stress related pain. (**Any anecdotes to accompany this or scientific data?)** Those in vegetative states are sometimes put on feeding tubes because their mind cannot operate the physical part of their brain that alerts them of the need for food. That is why some are pulled of the tube and the fatal decision to let them die is sometimes considered and enacted. It is amazing how the body and mind are forever intertwined with one another. (**There is a lot going on in this last paragraph. You touch on mental health, comas and eating disorders. How do they relate to your overall t** **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">) ****<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">hesis? **

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">**Stone,** <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">**You have cleaned up certain parts of your argument very well by adding specifics and throwing in some facts from the CDC. Your intro is written well, but on the whole it doesn't make any specific argument or thesis. You touch on some very interesting aspects of health like eating disorders, physical disabilities, poor diet and even comas, but how do these all link together and why is it significant? What is your opinion of all this? Why does it matter to be aware of these connections? How does it impact our lives? How does it impact your life? Avoiding generalizations will help lend some credibility, I think. Eating fruits and vegetables and avoiding junk food is a fairly obvious argument. Think about what you have to say that is unique or dig deeper than just the surface. The mental health section has a lot of very hard hitting topics in it, especially the comas and eating disorders which reminds me of recent incidents like Terri Schiavo. These are very controversial and emotional topics but you're glossing them over a bit with general summary. Go further than just giving the reader a brief description of what manic depression is. How does this connect with your original definition of health in your first paper? Does this thesis have to change with the inclusion of mental health? What do the experts have to say about this? Have you had any personal experience or know someone who has struggled with any of these problems? You touch on things also like how humans are "supposed to be" and the idea of "normal." Who defines normal? Is health the only yardstick we have fore measuring it? What does health affect other than the obvious state of physical being? What about jobs? What about relationships? There is obviously no way to engage all of these, but narrowing down and making an actual argument and then really digging deep into the issues can make quite a powerful paper.**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">**I know I have given you a lot to think about, so please don't hesitate to message me if you need anything explained or even if you want to bounc ideas off me.**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">**James**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Final **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Comparison **(posted **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">RHS ** March 9 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** March 11)

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<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">The line between good health and bad health is often a battleground**.** Everyday, your body is defending itself from viruses, germs, bacteria, and other agents of harm in an effort to keep you healthy, but even your natural immunity can fail and succumb to what ails you. Stories of people who appear to uphold healthy lifestyles with good diet, exercise, and renouncement of vices suddenly dropping dead for a variety of reasons have been heard of. Mental health often manifests itself physically, yet an unhealthy body does not always guarantee an unhealthy mind. The world of health is expansive and complicated. Bad health comes to all of us regardless of our habits. The difference between good health and bad health is difficult to decipher. **(You make some important observations about how complicated the topic of health is. Would narrowing your topic down to specific instances of good and bad health have helped you find a more focused thesis?)** =====

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<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">The two parts of a healthy physical lifestyle believed by many to be the most integral are good diet and exercise. Exercise, along with being a fat burner and muscle strengthener, is a natural relaxer and stress reliever for the brain**.** Eating a healthy, nutritious diet provides your body with the energy it needs to work your body for exercise and daily life in general. The two factors feed off of each other in a sort of cyclical nature. Another practice widely considered to be a healthy way is avoidance of vices such as drugs and alcohol because of the potential for addiction and the infiltration of chemicals and poisons on your body. Hard drugs like heroin and cocaine that are generally considered harmful **(It sounds like you don't totally agree. Are there instances when they aren't harmful?)** have been used in the past as painkillers. The controversial topic of Marijuana use in America has been argued against because it is legally considered a drug and is detrimental to the lungs, but medicinal marijuana is used to ease the pain of those with cancer. They are bad because they can cause damage to the internal organs, but are used to combat disease. Even those who engage in the good diet and exercise can die from sudden aneurysms and heart attacks. Good habits like these have been proven to improve your quality of life, but sometimes the spurning of bad health is inevitable.**(How do you define as quality of life? Are people with bad habits always unhappy or even unhealthy?)** =====

=
<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">Mental health is a separate entity. **(In what way?)** An definition of a good mental state is often tricky to nail down, for their are so many intricacies within the psyche of each person. I, for one, consider myself a relatively sane person. I have common sense, decent smarts, and no known psychosis or disorder of any kind (**Ah, but does the insane person know they are insane? =) )**. But sometimes, those do not affect the personal choices I make, such as indulging in junk food. (**What does affect it?)** I wouldn't call myself physically unhealthy either, but treats like that are not helping any. Often, the physical is intertwined with the mental, such as the case of those with anorexia or bulimia. These disorders typically stem from some sort of mental trauma or depression, which leads to the voluntary, and eventually, involuntary vomiting (**Citing a professional source here would help make your argument strong I think).**. But then, their are those such as Stephen Hawking, a man who has been paralyzed because of a motor neuron disease for years. He is capable of almost no physical movement, yet he has one of the greatest minds on this entire planet. At times, good health and bad health are easy to decipher from, but the complexities of the human body and mind are too vast to ever truely know. (**Do you mean in its entirety or in general?)** =====

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">A case of the debate of prolonged life in the event of mental incoherence that continues to be a controversial hot topic is the Terri Schiavo case. In February of 1990, Terri Schiavo collapsed in her Florida home due to cardiac arrest. It resulted in immense brain damage and an eventual declaration of a vegetative state by doctors. After years of being hooked up to a feeding tube, her husband Michael Schiavo decided it would be best to let Terri off of life support and let her die. Her parents disagreed, arguing that Terri was still conscious and functioning to a degree. What resulted were ten years worth of court battles and ongoing arguments from both sides as to what should be done with Terri. She lost most of her brain tissue which rendered her a vegetable, but Terri was still alive. She was not in good health mentally or physically, but she still had life. Eventually, Terri had her feeding tube removed and died just a few weeks later. But was it the right thing to do? That is why the Schiavo case continues to rile and anger those who opposed her removal from life support and those who supported it. Because of each persons own differing definition of health, the right decision in such a case is very hard to identify when you are dealing with a person who is so unhealthy, but still conscious enough to be alive. (**This a very powerful paragraph and adds a lot to your discussion of good/bad health.)**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'palatino linotype',serif;">The choices we make with our body can have a great effect on our outcome (**What do you mean by outcome?)**. Why some chain smokers die at eighty and others die at forty is a mystery. While the habit is bad for all concerned, some just make it longer than others. Those who keep up their daily runs and diets and other practices in healthy routines are typically in good condition, but even at that, they can be struck dead at any moment by something within them that came from nowhere (**A very sobering thought).**. Health sways too and fro like the ebb and flow of the ocean. There is hardly ever a steady current, and any shred of stability that it may have is quickly overtaken and slaughtered by the oncoming wave of illness and mutilation of health. There is always something else lurking underneath waiting to strike. Good health and bad is too difficult to point out because it is never clear what might be. (**I like the build towards the ending, but then it just stops. What is your opinion of the way in which health eludes our total understanding? Did writing about this change your opinion of your own health or make you more health conscious?)**

Stone, I appreciate all the hard work you put into trying to piece this paper together on such a complex topic. Focusing on the Schiavo case was a good anecdote to support your thoughts on how physical and mental health intertwine. Focusing your entire paper on that one case may have been a better way to tie up all the questions and thoughts you had, but it still works well the way you have it. You ask a lot of big questions and make important observations in this paper, like how health is impossible to entirely know and how good habits don't always mean you live longer, but you shy away from actually digging into them. Where do you fit in all this? Did you find yourself changing your mind on your previous definitions of health? The examples of Schiavo and Hawking added depth to the paper, but adding your own thoughts and investigating your own habits may have made it easier to identify with. A very tough paper but you put in some very good work.

James

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;">This was quite the paper to write. I chose to compare two things that have no real definite definition and so many intricacies. I do not think it was the strongest piece of writing that I could have done, but I tried to narrow the focus of the topic as much as I could while still trying to cover some of the more complex elements of health and the being. Even at that, I'm not sure that good health and bad are the best subjects to compare because of the complexities, exceptions, wide range of conditions, etc... I think that I will have a better time with this topic while writing the argument paper, for there is much to argue about in the realm of health with a few more specific examples.
 * <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Reflection #2 (RHS **<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype',serif;"> March 16 -- **171** March 25)

I agree, health is a tough topic to try and compare and contrast. Start super narrow and add later if you feel like you can handle it. If it feels like you have too many different specifics to cover try and only talk about the ones you feel you have the strongest arguments for.

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Rough Draft **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Argument **(posted **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">RHS ** April 6 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** April 8) Sometimes I wonder how people decide what is right is wrong. Indeed, life is typically not so much a choice between right and wrong, but a decision between two wrongs in which we must choose which one will have the least harmful effect or outcome while still having to deal with the negativity that comes with it **(Does this apply to the legalization of marijuana as well?).** Morally, ethically and logically, these decisions can be very difficult to interpret and make, especially in terms of how it will influence the lives of everyone else. But what about the decisions that seem so obvious and right to make that it would benefit everyone with little to no repercussions that never get made because some people consider them wrong or immoral? Why is it that vices such as alcohol and cigarettes can be sold and taxed heavily by the government, but marijuana is still illegal even when statistics have shown that marijuana is no worse than the two? (**Statistics according to who? How is it any better or worse?)** The legalization of Marijuana would cut down the crime rate by more than half, empty out the prisons for those more deserved of them, and would prove to be a tactful in boosting the economy. Legalizing weed is the smart thing to do. **(I like the tone of your intro. It backs up your argument well).**

As of right now, most of the weed in America is being sold by drug cartels from Mexico **(How do you know this? Any credible sources to quote here?)**. These criminal organizations are made up of low life thugs and money hungry bandits who shed innocent blood in the name of their crusade. They have been known behead and dismember anyone who speaks against them, including politicians, and kill celebrities just for being more famous than they are **(According to whom?)**. They are among some of the most ruthless people in the world, and their main export to the U.S. is marijuana. It seems like such a waste for innocent people to be murdered all for the sake of a petty criminals wealth, but if marijuana became legal, that would cut the cartels business almost completely **(Says who? What if they offered it for a much cheaper rate?).** Money is what these people are after, so taking their main source of income from them would hit them where it really hurts. Organized crime in America was launched because of prohibition back in the 1920's, and I am afraid that is what is happening with marijuana right now.

By legalizing weed, we would be emptying prison cells and cutting back on drug related offenses. That way, there would be more room for those who really deserve to be in prison like murderers, child molesters, rapists, and drug dealers selling much more harmful and addicting drugs like cocaine or heroin **(Is the only distinction between them the drug they sell? Are they really less morally reprehensible?)**. Those who are put in prison for the selling or possession of marijuana can be put in prison for upwards of ten years, and the number of them is ever increasing. It is often difficult to judge what crimes are worse than others, but to me, putting a convicted murderer in prison over a weed dealer just seems like an issue of common sense **(Can't dealers still exist even if it's legal?)**. I would rather see those worthy of prison sent to prison. **("Worthy" seems like a dangerous word to use.)**

The economy will benefit richly from legalizing marijuana. Since we have the cartels out of the way and our nations prisons emptied, we could start growing the plant ourselves. That means people would be buying an American product by American business people rather than shady drug lords. This also means more job opportunities for those who are out of work in the current economy as growers of marijuana. It would then be sold to the public, in which the government could tax it just as it taxes alcohol and cigarettes. This would not totally save the current economy, but it would give it a rejuvenation that is much wanted by the American people (**Any interesting solution to the job problem, has anyone collected data on potential job outcomes for legalized weed?)**

I know some will still be outspoken against this issue, and to a point, I understand. Marijuana is still considered a drug which can be harmful if used irresponsibly, but that is the case with any drug, be it a legal one or not **(Good point)**. Self regulation and evaluation with marijuana should be practiced just as much as one might with alcohol or prescription drugs. With that in mind, I encourage those against it to be at lest open to the possibilities and positive effects of a controversial issue that could prove to be very beneficial to our country.


 * Stone,**
 * This paper is very well written and has a much stronger flow and organization to it. Your tone is much more conversational and accessible, which is good given the somewhat controversial argument you are posing. This does, however, feel like a complete break with the thread of papers you've been writing about health thus far, but if your intention was to find new territory and if that fits the assignment then it still works well. Some thoughts about the text, though. You made a lot of sweeping claims about how drug related offenses would die down, prisons would empty, jobs would be made and the cartels would die. It fits argumentatively, but without sources it feels more like an opinion, not a well structured argument. Finding some credible sources to quote in this paper will add a lot more weight and make the paper much more persuasive. Also, consider the negative effects of legalization. How would someone argue against your paper? Would drug dealers vanish or thrive in a country that legalizes weed, even if its government regulated? Would they move on to selling harder drugs? How would the conservatives respond? Be careful, also, with the section about who is "worthy" of prison, because that implies some laws should be followed more than others, which can be a sort of philosophical quagmire.**
 * Other than that, this paper is a very good first draft. Dig deeper into some of your arguments and find some expert sources and you will have a very concise, convincing argument.**
 * Good job!**
 * James**

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Revision **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Argument **(posted **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">RHS ** April 13 -- **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** April 15)

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Sometimes I wonder how people decide what is right is wrong. Indeed, life is typically not so much a choice between right and wrong, but a decision between two wrongs in which we must choose which one will have the least harmful effect or outcome while still having to deal with the negativity that comes with it. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Morally, ethically and logically, these decisions can be very difficult to interpret and make, especially in terms of how it will influence the lives of everyone else. But what about the decisions that seem so obvious and right to make that it would benefit everyone with little to no repercussions that never get made because some people consider them wrong or immoral? Why is it that vices such as alcohol and cigarettes can be sold and taxed heavily by the government, but marijuana is still illegal even though 5.4 million people die from the effects of cigarettes every year and fifteen thousand die from alcohol related diseases every year? The legalization of Marijuana would cut down the crime rate by more than half, empty out the prisons for those more deserved of them, and would prove to be a tactful in boosting the economy. Legalizing weed is the smart thing to do.

Those on the other side of the argument say that marijuana should not be legalized because it is a drug. They believe that Marijuana makes you zonked out the point of near unconsciousness and damages brain cells. I agree that, if used irresponsibly and in excess, Marijuana has the potential to do damage to those using it and influence their thinking. But with that in mind, why are alcohol or cigarettes legal? In 2010, nearly 31% of all traffic related fatalities were the result of drunk driving. Cigarettes are the leading cause of lung cancer, responsible for 85% of all lung cancer. The thing that sets weed apart from alcohol and cigarettes is that Marijuana is not addictive, while alcohol and cigarettes are. While Marijuana is used by most people for recreation, many people develop harmful addictions to booze and smokes. Those who find weed morally objectionable will continue not to smoke it, but if we legalized it, then those who want to would have a safer alternative to resort to.

As of right now, most of the weed in America is being sold by drug cartels from Mexico. According to Laura Carlsen of the Huffington Post, the selling of Marijuana rolls in 20 billion dollars a year for the cartels. These criminal organizations are made up of low life thugs and money hungry bandits who shed innocent blood in the name of their crusade. They have been known behead and dismember anyone who speaks against them in order to get their point across. In 2010, after Mexican armed forces and police seized 134 tons if marijuana that was to be shipped across the border from Tijuana, 13 people were murdered at a rehabilitation center by members of the cartel in retaliation against the big drug bust. They are among some of the most ruthless people in the world, and their main export to the U.S. is marijuana. It seems like such a waste for innocent people to be murdered all for the sake of a petty criminals wealth, but if marijuana became legal, Americans would be able to buy weed from non-criminals and the cartels would go broke. Money is what these people are after, and lots of it, so taking their main source of income from them would hit them where it really hurts. If marijuana were legalized, then we could focus more on cracking down on dealers of harder drugs like cocaine and heroin. Organized crime in America was launched because of prohibition back in the 1920's because normal Joes who just needed a drink after a hard day could buy it on the black market. People got from the mafia what the government declared illegal, therefore making their ban on alcohol worthless while also increasing gangland related violence and power lust, and I am afraid that is what is happening with marijuana right now.

By legalizing weed, we would be emptying prison cells and cutting back on drug related offenses. In 2004, nearly 45% of all drug related arrests in the United States were for the possession and selling of marijuana. Dealers who sell hard drugs like heroin, cocaine and methamphetamine’s are pushing products that are extremely addictive and kill thousands of people every year, yet those who are put in prison for the selling or possession of marijuana make up a majority of the inmates being punished for drug related offenses and being sentenced to upwards of ten years, and the number of them is ever increasing. It is often difficult to judge what crimes are worse than others, but to me, putting a dealer or carrier of narcotics that are an immediate danger to people over a dealer of weed just seems like common sense. If marijuana were legalized, then those who sell it would do so as legitimate businessmen, while those partially responsible for the overdoses from hard drugs in this country would be put to justice.

The economy will benefit richly from legalizing marijuana. Since we have the cartels out of the way and our nations prisons emptied, we could start growing the plant ourselves. That means people would be buying an American product by American business people rather than shady drug lords. This also means more job opportunities for those who are out of work in the current economy as growers of marijuana. It would then be sold to the public, in which the government could tax it just as it taxes alcohol and cigarettes. Anyone selling marijuana outside government regulation ( unlicensed dealers, those who put additives in the weed, basically "illegal" dealers) would be penalized and ticketed like a speeding or parking ticket, but not sent to prison. This would not totally save the current economy, but it would give it a rejuvenation that is much wanted by the American people.

I know some will still be outspoken against this issue, and to a point, I understand. Marijuana is still considered a drug which can be harmful if used irresponsibly or excessively, but that is the case with any drug, be it a legal one or not. Self regulation and evaluation with marijuana should be practiced just as much as one might with alcohol or prescription drugs. With that in mind, I encourage those against it to be at least open to the possibilities and positive effects of a controversial issue that could prove to be very beneficial to our country.


 * Stone, **
 * The inclusion of sources makes your argument a lot stronger and the figures back up your claims nicely. However, you don't include any of the oppositions argument. Your paper overall will feel more of an argument and less simple opinion if you cite examples and major claims by the opposition and respond to them or argue that they are wrong. I also feel that you need to consider some of the potential drawbacks to your proposed solutions. Would that cartels really disappear so easily? Wouldn't they try to compete with the American legalized prices of weed? You also mention the arrests for possesion of weed, but is that the major cause for their arrest or was it simply tacked on? Does legalization automatically mean they're released? Overall, the paper is pretty strong, but there are some major points in your essay could use a little more research and a response to the other side's argument. **
 * Good Work, **
 * James **

<span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Final **Argument** (posted **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">RHS ** April 20 - **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">171 ** April 23) Sometimes I wonder how people decide what is right is wrong. Indeed, life is typically not so much a choice between right and wrong, but a decision between two wrongs in which we must choose which one will have the least harmful effect or outcome while still having to deal with the negativity that comes with it. Morally, ethically and logically, these decisions can be very difficult to interpret and make, especially in terms of how it will influence the lives of everyone else. But what about the decisions that seem so obvious and right to make that it would benefit everyone with little to no repercussions that never get made because some people consider them wrong or immoral? Why is it that vices such as alcohol and cigarettes can be sold and taxed heavily by the government, but marijuana is still illegal even though 5.4 million people die from the effects of cigarettes every year and fifteen thousand die from alcohol related diseases every year? The legalization of Marijuana would cut down the crime rate by more than half, empty out the prisons for those more deserved of them, and would prove to be a tactful in boosting the economy. Legalizing weed is the smart thing to do.

Those on the other side of the argument say that marijuana should not be legalized because it is a drug. They believe that Marijuana makes you zonked out the point of near unconsciousness and damages brain cells. I agree that, if used irresponsibly and in excess, Marijuana has the potential to do damage to those using it and influence their thinking. But with that in mind, why are alcohol or cigarettes legal? In 2010, nearly 31% of all traffic related fatalities were the result of drunk driving. Cigarettes are the leading cause of lung cancer, responsible for 85% of all lung cancer. The thing that sets weed apart from alcohol and cigarettes is that Marijuana is not addictive, while alcohol and cigarettes are. While Marijuana is used by most people for recreation, many people develop harmful addictions to booze and smokes. Those who find weed morally objectionable will continue not to smoke it, but if we legalized it, then those who want to would have a safer alternative to resort to.

As of right now, most of the weed in America is being sold by drug cartels from Mexico. According to Laura Carlsen of the Huffington Post, the selling of Marijuana rolls in 20 billion dollars a year for the cartels. These criminal organizations are made up of low life thugs and money hungry bandits who shed innocent blood in the name of their crusade. They have been known behead and dismember anyone who speaks against them in order to get their point across. In 2010, after Mexican armed forces and police seized 134 tons if marijuana that was to be shipped across the border from Tijuana, 13 people were murdered at a rehabilitation center by members of the cartel in retaliation against the big drug bust. They are among some of the most ruthless people in the world, and their main export to the U.S. is marijuana. It seems like such a waste for innocent people to be murdered all for the sake of a petty criminals wealth, but if marijuana became legal, Americans would be able to buy weed from non-criminals and the cartels would go broke. Money is what these people are after, and lots of it, so taking their main source of income from them would hit them where it really hurts. If marijuana were legalized, then we could focus more on cracking down on dealers of harder drugs like cocaine and heroin. Organized crime in America was launched because of prohibition back in the 1920's because normal Joes who just needed a drink after a hard day could buy it on the black market. People got from the mafia what the government declared illegal, therefore making their ban on alcohol worthless while also increasing gangland related violence and power lust, and I am afraid that is what is happening with marijuana right now.

By legalizing weed, we would be emptying prison cells and cutting back on drug related offenses. In 2004, nearly 45% of all drug related arrests in the United States were for the possession and selling of marijuana. Dealers who sell hard drugs like heroin, cocaine and methamphetamine’s are pushing products that are extremely addictive and kill thousands of people every year, yet those who are put in prison for the selling or possession of marijuana make up a majority of the inmates being punished for drug related offenses and being sentenced to upwards of ten years, and the number of them is ever increasing. It is often difficult to judge what crimes are worse than others, but to me, putting a dealer or carrier of narcotics that are an immediate danger to people over a dealer of weed just seems like common sense. If marijuana were legalized, then those who sell it would do so as legitimate businessmen, while those partially responsible for the overdoses from hard drugs in this country would be put to justice.

The economy will benefit richly from legalizing marijuana. Since we have the cartels out of the way and our nations prisons emptied, we could start growing the plant ourselves. That means people would be buying an American product by American business people rather than shady drug lords. This also means more job opportunities for those who are out of work in the current economy as growers of marijuana. It would then be sold to the public, in which the government could tax it just as it taxes alcohol and cigarettes. Anyone selling marijuana outside government regulation ( unlicensed dealers, those who put additives in the weed, basically "illegal" dealers) would be penalized and ticketed like a speeding or parking ticket, but not sent to prison. This would not totally save the current economy, but it would give it a rejuvenation that is much wanted by the American people.

I know some will still be outspoken against this issue, and to a point, I understand. Marijuana is still considered a drug which can be harmful if used irresponsibly or excessively, but that is the case with any drug, be it a legal one or not. Self regulation and evaluation with marijuana should be practiced just as much as one might with alcohol or prescription drugs. With that in mind, I encourage those against it to be at least open to the possibilities and positive effects of a controversial issue that could prove to be very beneficial to our country. <span style="color: #0068ff; font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">Reflection #3 (posted **<span style="font-family: 'Palatino Linotype','serif';">RHS ** April 23)